


Ministry's Guide to the Underground: Things you need to know so you Dont Die

by DMM



Series: Station 442 [3]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Illegal Activities, Mentions violence, just some worldbuilding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-11-06 00:22:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17929202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DMM/pseuds/DMM
Summary: It's pretty straight forward, exactly what the title says. It's a very useful pamphlet.





	1. Chapter 1

Comprehensive Guide to the Underground

Compiled by Blue

 

i. Introduction

ii. Levels

iii. Mercs

iv. The Ministry

v. Laws

**vi. Regulations**

  
  


##  **Introduction**

I was gonna try and write this all official-like, but after the table of contents I realised that I really don’t have the energy for that, so deal. Anyway Welcome to Station 442’s Underground. Yeah, There’s other undergrounds. Yes, we kill people here. If you’re gonna turn tail and run then at least don’t say shit, cause you’ll get hit. And it won’t be a hit you’ll survive. Now that I’ve gotten the pleasantries out of the way I figure you’re itching for me to get started.


	2. Levels

So as hilarious as it would be to watch every new kid stumble around lost, It would also be pretty fucking annoying.

 

LEVEL ONE - This is the one you’re at. Every entrance leads here, so you’ll see a lot of people coming in and out, but there’s also not a whole lot of interesting shit up there so it’s not that crowded. You’ve got some doctors offices there to your left, not all doctors use those offices, but there’s usually a handful hanging around in there for emergency situations. Otherwise they’ll take patients above ground and it’s a pain in the ass. You’ve also probably seen the big green touchscreen billboard whatever right? Yeah, those are job listings. If you haven’t gotten your license yet  **don’t fucking touch the billboard** . In fact, if you still have a mentor, don’t touch the fucking billboard, let your mentor pick the jobs they might know what they’re doing. You know what’s annoying? When newbies accidentally select a job and don't take it and then it’s gone forever until the client re-sends it, which means  _ someone _ is probably losing money. If you make someone lose money there’s a chance they might try to kill you. Them's the breaks so don’t touch the billboard.  Anyway, the Ministry offices are also around there somewhere, Thats where you get evaluated and shit, they also handle all the licensing stuff. More on that later but that’s basically everything on the first level.   
  
LEVELS TWO, THREE and FOUR \- These are all grouped together because they basically have all the same shit. The red market spans these levels, and there are a couple bars, we’ve only got one strip bar though. I’m not sure why they didn’t just keep that to the surface but whatever. The Red Market is apparently a rip off of Earth’s ‘black market’. I don’t know what the differences are, so I can’t dispute it but the black market sounds dumb as fuck. This is where your illegal shit gets distributed: guns, drugs, people, animals. The works. The Bars are supposed to be a free for all but some cliques have definitely formed. Just give the crowd a good look before you go in and you’ll find your people.   
_ EDIT: As of late the Ministry is slamming the ban hammer on traffickers, human and animals alike. Some drug smugglers too, because a lot of handymen are being hired to take out those businesses anyway so it’s a bit of a moot point. We still got guns though. And some weird fucking fruit. _   
  
LEVEL FIVE \- Ain’ nobody wanna go to level five. Highkey; it sucks actual ass. This is where they detain rouges, or civilian witnesses until they figure out what to do with ‘em. They’ve also got the ‘courthouse’ down here, but it’s not like we use it too often unless everyone is really bored. I roleplayed in there once with a group of assassins, It was fucking wild, one guy actually killed the accused and he was put on a real, actual trial. Went rouge right there in front of me. Anyway this was the last level, and that’s basically all you need to know.


	3. Mercs

So I’m sure that unless you’re a literal, actual toddler, you know what a merc is. Those bum-ass dudes who wander around murdering people for money right? WRONG! That’s insensitive and also a stereotype. Not all mercs are murderers. Hell, not all mercs are even mercenaries at this point. ‘Mercs’ just ended up being the overhead term. So sit your ass down and listen the fuck up, because nobody likes being mislabeled

 

ACTUAL MERCENARIES \- These are the guys you think you hear about, but trust me, you don’t. Mercenaries focus on getting a group of people (or sometimes just one person) from point A, to point B. They usually partner up and are hired in groups of two or three to help ship crews who don't have any muscle, or feel like they need more. Typically, a mercenary does a lot of travelling. I was a mercenary for a few years after I finished my apprenticeship and I spent more time in space on a ship than I did on any kind of station or planet. I actually made a couple cool friends out of some clients too. If you’re a mercenary though, everyone’s gonna know your face, the option of hiding behind a mask isn’t really a thing you have when you’ve gotta be handling a whole crew at all hours. Some people try though, but I honestly didn’t care enough to put the effort in. The Ministry has some special counter-measures for these guys, to make sure their personal lives are still protected. Classified info tho, if you wanna know, gotta be a mercenary. None of them go out of their way to kill people by the way, that’s why you don’t hear about them, it’s always in self defense or defense of their clients. Which doesn’t test people’s morals so much.   
  
HANDYMEN \- These  _ are _ probably the guys you hear about. Boogeymen of the surface. They don’t ALL kill people but it’s something they MIGHT do. The Ministry gave them their own ranking system so people know who to hire for what jobs. Typically though, they’ll do about anything, from delivering messages to taking out whole gangs, these guys can get pretty wild. Sometimes they have another handyman to work with, and other times they might hire someone else to work with them, which has to be some sort of inception or something. Anyway I should probably touch on the ranking system

  
**D-** These Mercs mostly run errands. They usually still have a mentor as well. And no, if you take higher level jobs with your mentor, you can’t take higher level jobs on your own. D level is mandatory for anyone working under a mentor, but after that it’s your choice to move forward or not.

  
**C-** More errands, sometimes you’re working with the bodyguards as well. Usually these guys get some Big Name clients because they still charge pretty cheap but the quality isn’t as questionable as it can be when hiring D level

**B-** These guys are spy guys. They steal a lot of shit, and might kill some people sometimes. They can still take C and D level jobs, but honestly at this point I don’t think the bodyguards wanna hang out with them anymore.   
  
**A, AA, AAA-** These guys will basically do anything. They’re hired for weird investigatory jobs usually, and are right on their way to becoming assassins. They might be hired to kill people, maybe, every once in a while i guess.   
  
**S, SS, SSS-** These are basically assassins, they do some lower level jobs too, but they’re still kinda cheaper and less qualified assassins.    
  
BODYGUARDS \- They’re actually like...normal bodyguards. Except cheaper and more likely to kill people. Just a tad more likely. A skoosh, really. Usually they get the long term jobs, but unlike Mercenaries, they don’t travel, and only take one client at a time. Never have I ever seen a Bodyguard working with another bodyguard, but they work with handymen sometimes. I, personally, choose to think that just makes them really fucking dangerous but I haven’t really talked to any so who’s to say. 

ASSASSINS \- Oh god, these guys. Look, I’m sure you know what an assassin is, these are definitely the guys that are talked about up on the surface. The difference between them and SS+ is that the SS+ are sane, for one, and not nearly as dedicated to finding different ways to murder people. I’m pretty sure some of these guys could be actual serial killers. There’s not really a whole lot of them, but I can tell you right now that’s for the best. They range from ‘Edgy but eccentric’ to ‘Actually needs to be in a mental hospital’. Generally the rest of us try to keep a good amount of distance from them, The Ministry is perfectly capable of handling them on their own. And as a part of The Ministry, I can confirm that we have it under control. These guys also tend to go rogue the most often, but they’re also the most likely to have trials held. Not that very many are proven innocent but it’s pretty entertaining to see how they defend themselves. One guy said he murdered some girl because ‘she was wearing two different patterns at the same time’. He was executed.

  
DOCTORS \- These guys don’t really fall under the ‘Merc’ category but I gotta put them somewhere. Most doctors had their license at some point, we’ve got a lot of early retirements down here, a few med-school dropouts and a handful of mad scientists. They usually hang out with the Bodyguards and honestly I can’t blame them, those are the chillest out of everyone. Just know that usually your doctor in the underground will become your actual doctor. It’s usually too risky to go to a hospital for anything once you’ve been down here for a while, so just go ahead and accept that this is your life now.


	4. The Ministry

We’re basically the government. But cooler and more hiP with the kids. We keep you out of trouble or kill you for getting in trouble, so yeah. Consider that if you blow something up, or someone witnesses you killing someone, or sees you coming into the underground. Do you wanna take care of that? Hell no! I don’t either but apparently that’s my job now. So if there's some money missing from your paycheck just know that it was us, and you probably did something you weren’t supposed to. For the most part though we just stay behind the scenes, keep thing running. If you don’t have to come to see us, it’s a good day. If we have to come and see you, we’re probably coming to kill you. Just saying. So don’t break the fucking law.

 


	5. Laws

Speaking of not breaking the fucking law. You kinda gotta know the laws if I expect you not to break them. We don’t have an official document that goes like ‘Thou Shalt Not-’ But we do still have laws. If you kill anyone, you’re probably going to be promoted to Rogue status, which just means that if you try to run, we put a bounty on your head so that  _ someone _ will drag your ass back to be put on trial. If you continue to evade arrest then the next step is Permanent Rogue status. If a merc finds you, they’re going to kill you without a trial. Otherwise the punishment varies, so only kill people if you’re paid to do it. (No, you won’t be paid to kill other Mercs dumbass, we monitor that shit)

  
  


  1. Don’t kill your client. Only exception is if you accept a job to kill them that pays more. 
  2. Don’t kill other mercs, it’s just real fucking rude you guys. There’s a whole lot of paperwork involved.
  3. Don’t kill anyone in The Ministry. It’s just a really bad idea to even try
  4. (handymen specific) If they rank higher than you, they call the shots. Only exception is if they say otherwise.
  5. You have 24 hours to complete a mission, with the few exceptions being, A) the client specified a time slot, B) Missions that require you to go undercover
  6. No information about the underground leaves the underground. This includes information on Clients and other Mercs
  7. You must receive a permit from The Ministry to sell items in the Red Market (renewed every month)
  8. You must go though an evaluation to receive a Merc license (Renewed every year)
  9. Smuggling of sentient beings is prohibited
  10. Only sell mandated animal by products in the Red Market
  11. If you are arrested for a crime you weren’t paid to do, don’t expect The Ministry to help you



  
  


So now you’re probably wondering ‘well, who the fuck is gonna know if I broke one of these laws anyway?’ And that brings us to our next section.


	6. Regulations

You better fucking appreciate that this was the smoothest segway I’ve ever done in this whole thing so far. Anyway, here are some regulatory procedures or whatever. This is how we know when you break the ‘code of conduct’.   
  
I’m not actually allowed to go into too much detail with these, but just know:   
Cameras   
Spies   
And maybe you should think a little bit about why you never see anyone except the Public Officers.

 

Anyway now that I hope your privacy has been thoroughly threatened, along with your life, my job is done.

  
So if you're still stupid enough to want to stick around,  _ save this file to your goddamn device _ and then go ahead to one of the offices and ask for an evaluation. Good fucking luck, you're gonna need it.


End file.
